Lyrical genius

I am a singer. Not as in "I'm good at singing," but as in "I love to sing and do it quite frequently" (out of earshot of my adoring public). The problem with being a crappy singer is you never remember the lyrics to any songs.

Take for example one of my favorite sing-along-to-the-radio favorites "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls. For the longest time, I thought the chorus went like this:

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have boobies

It wasn't until I read an entertainment blog where the author admitted singing the same thing that I realized the word is not "boobies" but "groupies."

Or let's take Outkast's "Bombs Over Baghdad," which I used to sing the first couple lines:

International, underground, above the ground, on the ground (WHOOP)
Like a million hands fightin' the Tang, trying to stop the train

My brother pointed out to me that I was singing it totally wrong ("Tang? They are not singing about Tang."). The real lyrics:

In-slum-national, underground, thunder pounds when I stomp the ground (WOO)
Like a million elephants and sliverback orangutans you can't stop a train

Coupled with childbirth and breastfeeding 101 classes, courses should really be taught in lullaby singing. Because my same lyricitis applies to children's songs too. I sing to my daughter quite a bit, but the only children's song lyrics I can fully remember are from my little brother's potty training video from roughly 16 years ago. Awesome.

So the majority of the songs I sing to Peanut are not necessarily for the kids. I sing her a lot of Beatles, Journey and musical hits like "Without Love" from Hairspray, "What Is This Feeling" from Wicked, "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge and "These Boots are Made For Walking" from Kinky Boots. And how can I forget the popular genre (bows head in shame) that is hip-hop. The lyrics are easy to remember and the tunes are catchy - how can I not sing her hip-hop? You should see how crazy Peanut goes when I sing Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow," particularly to Fergie's lyrically artful part:

I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin' my style
They try copy my swagger
I'm on that next $%&* now

I'm so 3008
You so 2000 and late
I got that boom, boom, boom
That future boom, boom, boom
Let me get it now

(Yes, I sing this to a baby.)

When I rock this, she goes crazy and begins furiously bouncing up and down and waving her arms. She'll be a hit at the clubs.

You can see why I need to learn some lullabies. Let me rephrase that: You can see why I need to learn the correct lyrics to lullabies. Because I just make up the parts I don't know. Let's take the classic "Hush Little Baby." I knew the first couple lines and the last line, so I've just been filling in the rest with whatever rhymes. Here's how my version goes:

Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring don't shine,
Momma's gonna buy you a glass of wine.
And if that glass of wine turns sour,
Momma's gonna buy you Rapunzel's tower.
And if Rapunzel's tower has no hair,
Momma's gonna buy you a polar bear.
And if that polar bear eats your dad,
Momma's gonna buy you a new dad named Brad.
And if that new dad named Brad is in alchy,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town!

It's truly a creative masterpiece that involves materialism, underage drinking, violent death and the perils of alcoholism.

(I looked up the real lyrics to "Hush Little Baby" and the rhymes are about a billy goat, horse and cart and the ring turning to brass, which I'm not sure is even possible. I like my lyrics much better.)

Any other hits I need to be singing to Peanut?

*****
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